Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
