fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
