you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
