I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
