I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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