My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
