At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This house was built for laser tag.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
