Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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