Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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