Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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