I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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