remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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