Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was CRYING into my vagina
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
