What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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