Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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