So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
