dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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