ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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