I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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