All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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