I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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