i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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