Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
