remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
