Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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