The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
