how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
