I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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