I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
