He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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