am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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