Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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