i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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