The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
