wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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