was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
tell me about the eggs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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