I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
