I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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