My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
