i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
