one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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