apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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