Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
