she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
