I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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