I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
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Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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