Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
