This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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