it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
