Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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