Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
