the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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