He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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