I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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