found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
