I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize