The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
