I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
