I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
