we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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